Five Lessons Year 53 Taught Me

Floating ballons in multiple colors

This week, I will celebrate my 54th birthday. I am grateful to be blessed with another year to live a proud, purposeful and unapologetic life. I find the best way to do that is to honor one of the practices that I believe makes grown women grown, actively cashing in on life’s lessons.

Lessons come in many different forms. At each phase in life, you will have experiences, positive and negative, that will serve to evolve your knowledge, behavior, character, and approach. This can only happen if you are consciously evaluating experiences from the perspective of lessons learned.

Here are the five lesson’s that year 53 taught me:

Lesson #5: Guarding My Trust:

I have always been a person who trusted others until they gave me a reason not to. Yes, this has led to many a disappointment. But I was fearful, if I changed my approach, it would change how I felt about people, and how I really try to see the best in people. This year, I learned that there is a balance between seeing people for who they are and wearing rose-colored glasses. Seeing people and their authentic behavior allows me to manage relationships and my investment in said relationships appropriately. It allows me to guard my heart, but not harden it.

I have come to realize that there is a place for observation and setting boundaries. This helps me to approach relationships, new and old, in a way that respects the other person and me. It also means not being afraid of hurting someone's feelings if things don't work out, because it's easier to ignore poor behavior than address it. And addressing poor behavior doesn't mean I stop trusting people; it just gives me an opportunity to be more realistic when evaluating who someone is as a person and how I want to engage with them.

While my faith in others has been tested throughout my life, this year has provided clarity on why that is sometimes necessary. In trying to maintain the integrity of relationships, I have come to the conclusion that trust must be earned over time through consistent honesty and action. Relationships involve both parties giving something of themselves so that each can benefit; therefore, trust needs to be established for the relationship to thrive. Ultimately, understanding these dynamics has enabled me to assess the risk in any given situation without clouding my judgment with false expectations or inexperience.


Lesson #4: Owning My Energy

This year was one of the most challenging years, personally and professionally. When chaos comes, oftentimes, I am guilty of letting my energy and emotions get chaotic too. At times this has led to me operating outside of my values, communicating out of frustration, and making decisions based solely on heart instead of balanced decisions. In the midst of one of these times, I managed to cause a senseless debate with my husband. I recognize that this debate wasn’t based on the topic at hand, but on emotions I was feeling that had nothing to do with him. In that moment, I realized that I had the ability to fully control my energy. That day was a game-changer. 

I decided to take the energy and emotions that were bubbling up, pause and ask myself how I wanted to show up, and who I wanted to be. Doing this made me recognize my sometimes illogical approach to decisions and conversations. When I embodied my values and leaned into awareness within myself, my energy shifted and the chaos dissipated. What immediately followed was an increasing level of groundedness in every aspect of my life. I felt less reactive, more decisive, centered and clear-headed.

Allowing my authentic self to emerge allows me to stay true to my values even when faced with chaos or pressure from others. This wasn't an overnight change; it continues to be an evolution. It takes time for any new habit or thought process to become second nature but the effect that these adjustments have had on both me personally and professionally makes all the work worth it!


Lesson #3: Prioritizing Joy and Health:

This year was one of my most challenging years, personally and professionally.

As I looked back on the year, there are some choices I made that were right on in terms of prioritizing my joy and health. I started a yoga practice. I lost some weight. I started bike riding and keep it in my life as a non-negotiable and leveraged TalkSpace to support my mental health. I pursued my passions (more on that in a bit) which brought creativity and joy back into my life, but what I lost are some of the things that I love, making time for family and friends, reading, and learning for the sake of learning. 

As I reflected on the year, I realized there were some choices I had made that were beneficial for my mental health. However, what I had sacrificed were activities that compromised relationships, brought pleasure, and have major quality-of-life impacts.

As wonderful as all these steps were in improving my quality of life, they, unfortunately, came at the expense of other vital elements; namely, time spent nurturing relationships, reading, and learning new things. The experience was great for building habits that are now deeply integrated into my life. With this insight, I am now fully committed to finding a balance between prioritizing joy and health while not neglecting other areas of that improve my health and bring me joy.

Lesson #2: Honing my Voice:

When your work and passions are connected to speaking and advocacy, whether it be through podcasts, panels, groups, keynotes, or social media it is easy to get distracted. This year, I was quieter on social than I have been in quite some time. I needed time to make sure I was operating from the inside out that I wasn’t distracted by the latest trends (and sometimes news). That I was speaking intentionally. That I was clear on my voice and perspective.

This was the year, I learned to say “no” quite a bit to make sure I was setting proper boundaries. I realized that by opting to focus on my personal voice and perspective, I could create content that was more meaningful and valuable for both myself and the people who were consuming it. To get here, I had to take a step back from some of the more noisy distractions around me in order to create the space necessary to cultivate clarity within myself. Taking time away from certain platforms enabled me to set proper boundaries so that I could continue being intentional.

Lesson #1: Pursuing My Passion

Owning my energy, prioritizing health and joy, and honing my voice, led me right to the number #1 lesson the 53rd year of my life taught me. You can’t suppress your passion; you have to pursue it.

I have been lucky that my work has always aligned with my personal passions and my current role is no exception. However, there were additional ways to pursue those things that I love that I have set aside because many of my passions were reflected in my work. But some of them just continued to haunt me. As I decided to pursue those passions, my passion around supporting women, especially grown women, writing, building content, and resources, coaching, and mentoring I found that I am healthier and happier. This pursuit makes me better personally and professionally.

As my 53rd year wrapped us, it left me with one more gift. A clear focus, a personal mandate for year 54. To focus on and walk in faith. I’m looking forward to sharing with you what my journey of walking in faith teaches me in year 54.