Being a Mom – Taught Me More than I Could Ever Teach
Hey Grown Women,
One of the core principals of Grown Woman Life is that grown women leverage life’s lessons.
We have experiences positive and negative, that serve to evolve our knowledge, behavior, character, and approach. I believe growth can only happen if you are acknowledging these experiences and trying to capture the lessons in real-time. This is my way of sharing my lessons with you!
The Situation
I am a very proud wife and mother of four.
I have three daughters. My 29-year-old, the oldest, is intelligent and wise; my second daughter, 28, is creative and fierce; my third daughter, 20, is smart and sassy. My only son, 18, is engaging and energetic.
They are all fiercely independent, articulate, outspoken, stubborn, and have a strong sense of individualism and right and wrong.
No doubt, I am exceptionally proud of each of them. No doubt that not a single day goes by that they don’t challenge me (i.e., drive me a little bat crap crazy).
The Struggle
Mother’s Day has always presented a complex set of challenges for me. I was adopted. I have never had contact with my biological mother. The only mother I’ve ever known, my biological mother, I believe, would today be diagnosed with significant mental health issues that caused her to be abusive. When I was 13, she sent me to live with relatives, and despite several attempts on my part, the next time I spent any significant time in her presence was at her funeral. For years, I mourned Mother’s Day. When I became a mom, I was secretly terrified no kid of mine would ever want to celebrate me, because I would be a terrible mom.
I was convinced that I would get it wrong. That I was genetically predisposed to screw it up. (Honestly, I have screwed it up along the way, it’s just part of being a parent).
I have spent years, determined to love my kids unconditionally and to teach my kids everything I could about being a good person and contributing member to society. This pressure, I now realize, is not unique to my circumstances; it is the pressure we all feel to be a good parent.
The Realization
I am blessed and humbled to be their mother. These wonderful human beings have taught me much more than I could ever teach them.
There is no manual, yet with the help of a great partner in my husband, we managed to muddle through. My children have given me purpose, determination, and strength.
In times when I wanted to shrink from life, I had to be courageous; they taught me that.
They taught me to be organized, to lean into my strengths, to control my emotions, to give in to my feelings. They taught me to compromise and be disciplined. The taught me to navigate teams, the ultimate team being our family. They have shown me how to adjust to the needs of the many and the individual. They have given me skills that have made me a better leader and a better person. They have taught me to embrace my special brand of crazy. Most of all, they taught me that I had it in my to overcome adversity, and despite my worse fears, I could be a great mom.
Thank you Lauren, Morgan, Nia and Xavier. I appreciate you deeply and sincerely.
The Lesson
Being a mom has taught me more than I could ever teach. It has made me a better person, a better professional. (Side Note – I believe working moms have a competitive advantage.) Often we go into a situation thinking we are the experts, the teacher, and the sage. What happens when you participate wholeheartedly in the journey? When you engage fully along the way? You might find that you’ve learned more than you can teach.